The Morning After

In the harsh clarity of the morning light, some decisions can seem foolish or badly thought out. I would be lying if I said I wasn't awash with emotion today. I've had a long history with my job (or at least long in my life) and there was a time I loved it (probably to an annoying degree). Putting this chapter of my life behind me is hard, there's no other way to say it. It's very difficult. I feel a bit like a schizophrenic today - I'm happy, sad, terrified, emboldened, etc. etc. etc.

However, the bottom line is that I know I've done the right thing. Through all the fear and uncertainty and shell-shocked disbelief at what I've done, I can feel the calm control that is taking over - the certainty that this decision is 100% mine and any discomfort that comes from it is mine as well, unlike the unhappiness that has prevailed for so long. It's liberating in a way.

And, in response to the many questions I received on the topic, NO - I will not be bought. I came up with a number in my head that was so outrageously impossible that I was safe from being kept here. I will admit that I am in negotiations about my end date... this is a prudent decision based on having money! I will consider consulting through my transition at an exorbitant hourly rate.

This now begins the next phase of Quitsville - how am I going to pay the rent?